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Lord Lindum’s Anus Mirabilis: A Christmas Confection by Ian Thomson *****

 

"This book, Fiskerton, how’s one supposed to take it? It’s not really a diary, as it’s not about your life, is it, Fiskerton, which is hardly worth writing about? It’s not really satire, either, although there are some good barbs at the deserving, Matt Hancock, Prince Harry and  Princess Oprah, environmental protesters, the paucity of decent television, English football, and Doctrix Who.

"Still, it’s entertaining stuff and several hours in gloomy November were relieved by reading it. Good wit, wordplay and invective are all too rare in these days of trying not to offend anyone – which, to my mind is the biggest reason for rocketing mental health issues. I mean, how can one put up with this nonsense without being drunk and/or schizophrenic? I suspect that’s why all the leaders are both. 

"The good thing about humans and climate change is that the mouth will be one of the last things to go under, so there will be No Claret Left Behind!"

This second romp for Lord Lindum satisfies the Christmas book appetite nicely, reprising all those things that annoyed us during 2021. The writing rings with the clarity of the crystal of his lordship's claret glass, and the diction and wit are what we have come to expect from Mr Thomson.

The cast of characters at Lindum Towers has increased in this latest instalment of the life of the 4th Baron Lindum, too, making the orgy at the end possible. Each is readily identifiable by looks, vocabulary, sound or smell - which shows more imagination and awareness of the human senses than most contemporary writers.

I found the reading of Death in the Afternoon through a megaphone from the parapet very moving, a fitting tribute to the late DofE. I think he would have been touched.

Mr Thomson has recognised the Christmas book genre for precisely what it is: a chance to celebrate and laugh and think of things that are nothing whatever to do with the Son of God coming to earth to save us.

The Germans and Scandinavians have laughed at the British each Christmas by watching Dinner for One since it was first broadcast in 1963. On this sceptred isle there is Lindum. 

Who to cast in the TV series? Ian Richardson would have played his lordship brilliantly. Timothy West? David Bradley, having made such a great job as Filch, might be an admirable Fiskerton. Patsy Byrne would have been a fine Mrs Washingborough, but Frances de la Tour is still around to play Hippolyta Skellingthorpe. 

We can only wonder what 2022 will bring: who will be skewered and who will be spared? Will this be the year that the Hon. Rupert reunites with the pater and brings American customs and California attitudes to Lindum Towers?

No doubt, we shall see.

This is the ideal book to read after watching the Queen, or on Boxing Day when one is too “tired” to move, and the Bloody Mary hasn’t sufficed as a pick-me-up. Pure holiday mirth.


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