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Changes to Mount Rushmore to Remove Slave Owners


KEYSTONE, SD – In response to the removal of statues of slave traders, imperialists and Confederates, plans are underway for a major face-lift at Mount Rushmore.

Recognising that both Washington and Jefferson were slave owners, their removal reflects the new awareness of public sensitivities. 

While the actual re-carving of will be a lengthy process, the early signs are that choosing who should replace the two disgraced presidents could take even longer.

Wilbur Johnson of the National Parks Service commented, “Back when the original statues were carved, there was scant regard for health and safety procedures. Today, sophisticated scaffolding on a massive scale is needed for the work to be compliant.”

There aren’t many companies who could do this, but a leading contender would be  Eiffel Constructions métalliques  which already has connections with American monuments, having done the internal structure of the Statue of Liberty.

Among the proposed replacement presidents are Barack Obama, Franklin Roosevelt, and Harry Truman.

Nancy Pelosi commented, “FDR is doubtful as a replacement as he was a cigarette smoker and wealthy before he took office. William Howard Taft is out because he was obese and a Republican, so the search continues.”

Debi Mitchell of the American Federation of Vegans added another candidate. “While we’re at it, we should take the opportunity to remove the bear-shooting Teddy Roosevelt, too. Since he is already wearing spectacles, Woodrow Wilson would be a good replacement.”

The project is estimated to cost $750 million and take 15-20 years.


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